Please note, this is an automated transcript so it is not 100% accurate.

Guy (00:11):
We are recording Matt. Welcome to the podcast, mate. How are you? Legend.

Matt (00:16):
Thanks, legend. Yeah, good. I, for having me, once again

Guy (00:19):
Was recurrence, I, I was gonna say, uh, welcome to episode 200 and, and then I was like, I don’t even know which episode number this is. I I’ve really gotta T that up and, and get a bit better with that. But anyway, it’s 200 and something the episode, which is, uh, still blows my mind that we’re in 200 odd episodes now. So, uh, yeah. Fantastic. All right, amazing. So not for, I’m gonna kick it off with the fact that, um, you know, it’s probably a monthly occurrence, so I’d say you’re coming on and we’re having, uh, different conversations around, uh, certain areas of topics of the work. And we find that, um, obviously we see a lot through our workshops and retreats and, and our programs and stuff, and, and common occurrence is what can up and we wanted to discuss today emotional triggers and nine ways to deal with emotional triggers. But, um, I dunno, I don’t even know what triggers are. I’ve never been triggered. Have you been triggered Matt? You know,

Matt (01:15):
Nevermind. I just piece love and Mon beans over going on over here. Exactly.

Guy (01:20):
Exactly. So just to break it down. So the, even though there’s nine things we’re gonna cover the, the, the it’ll be over three areas. So what does it mean to be triggered? Uh, then we’re gonna dig into more at the surface level and manage in the situation of triggers. So they are the nine ways that they’re gonna come up to deal with the triggers that are occurring at a time. But of course then, um, going and getting to the root of why you get even getting triggered in the first place. We’re gonna break down those areas for you guys over the next 30 minutes or so. So drum roll, let’s rock and roll over to USAN, um, triggered. What, what does it mean to be triggered? And I will contribute in this conversation. Don’t worry. I just, you know, I mean,

Matt (02:02):
Yeah, no, I’m not worried, mate. I’m just, I just love the fact that the first part of it, just to get the wheels turned and always comes back into my lap. I should should know these things. It’s been too long. Um, yeah. What is, what is being triggered? So an emotional trigger to me is an experience, a person, an event, uh, something happening outside of yourself, typically, um, that causes an emotional reaction. Uh, that’s that’s the best way I would define it. What, what would you add to that?

Guy (02:34):
Exactly. That some, something that feels like beyond your control as well, which is a big element of it, cuz we kind of react instead to respond. And it, I think the depth of the reaction, uh, starts to highlight then something within that needs to, to be investigated further. But the one thing that was a big aha moment in my life, thinking about certain areas, cause there’s certain times in our lives that we get, you know, things get really heightened and it’s like, why is that person always triggered? Why is that person in my life? Right. I, you know, and we, and we can get on the, uh, the train of regurgitating, um, putting somebody else down and, and become the victim in that role as well. And, and, and I’ve been there certainly and done that. And it wasn’t actually to, I started becoming aware of these things.

Guy (03:26):
Um, we are not aware of it, which we’ll go into in a moment, but I often look at as well, talking to the last point on this, you could say there’s wounds underneath for trauma or things that we haven’t addressed or hearing through our life. And I always remember hearing the analogy once. Like it’s like if you’ve got like a slight scratch on your arm and you’ve got a feather, you know, and tickle it, you’re not gonna feel anything. But if you’ve got this deep gap in wound, that’s hypersensitive and feel like literally a cat hair could touch it and you’re gonna, you yell what the hell? You know? And, and that’s how I start to look at the triggers within us. Like what is going on under the surface? What is the depth of something that could be heightened very easily, um, from a scenario that technically might not bother you for a normal and other certain circumstances.

Matt (04:23):
Mm yeah. You went right down the right down the, sorry, we were gonna talk about the surface. It’s okay. I’m just like, and then you get my gears turning and this is gonna be a really deep conversation. Um, but I think we should lay some groundwork first before we dive down that, because you just went from, you know, typically what I, I think we identify with is that somebody or something else is upsetting me. I think this is the, the first stage is that, you know, the world is happening to me, you know, and it’s like, everything outside of me is causing this upset within me. We don’t realize that we actually have command of our emotions and our thoughts and our, and our, our entire system. In fact, we, we have command over our biology and our nervous system if we have practice and awareness of it.

Matt (05:13):
So a lot of times, you know, like we say, our workshops and the, and the retreats and whatnot, it’s that, you know, the autonom nervous system is running on its own automatically autonomically and it’s under our radar, so we don’t pay attention. So we think that things are just, that’s just the way it is. And we don’t have any control, but obviously through meditation, through what the mystics and the ancients have illustrated, that you can actually change your state of being just by an intention behind it. And so to me, it’s starting to pull back the projection that we put on the world around us. And so the, with a trigger it’s there’s, we can actually look at managing those triggers from that surface level, because if we don’t even want to go inside and say, okay, there’s something inside of me. Like you say that open wound that’s causing that little cat hair or feather to be a, a really re a really intense experience.

Matt (06:07):
Then it’s just, well, how do you manage the cat hairs that are brushing up against the wound without even looking at the wound? And there are strategies in, in techniques to manage that because that component on the surface, am I making sense here? Percent. Okay. So that, that component on the surface then is that we’ve, we’ve gotta start looking at our reactions and where a reaction Steming from, it’s from emotional imbalances and that when we are in a place where we’re more stressed, we don’t have enough sleep. We’re not eating the right foods. We’re not taking time to be with our thoughts and the, the things that are unresolved within us, like all these different factors are different stresses that are coming in to create that hypersensitivity. Then we don’t really have the capacity to deal with our emotional state and then anything can set us off.

Matt (06:56):
And then it just goes into this snowball of, rolling down the hill, right? And it’s like, you don’t, we don’t have any control of that then. But if we’re in a place where we build a resilience within ourselves, and we build an emotional, um, uh, emotional resilience, an emotional strength, and we learn how to handle our emotions and be with our emotions and manage our emotions, then these triggering events come up and we have what we practice in meditation that ability to observe in instead of react. And so even before going into what’s going on under the surface, and what is this event or person that’s causing an upset within me, illuminating within myself. I have a lot of tools and techniques that I can develop through practices, like what we teach to create a greater resilience and a greater, uh, balance and peace and harmony, even when all this stuff is going on. And then from that space, we can start to dive under. So who’s ping is that’s, is that me ping or you that’s

Guy (08:07):
Definitely you

Matt (08:08):
Mike.

Guy (08:11):
Yeah. That’s okay.

Matt (08:13):
I don’t, I got nothing, Mike, I got everything close. I’ll dig deeper. Okay. Is that coming through? No, It must just be my mental pain. Um, go on.

Guy (08:28):
Yeah, no, I, I agree with everything you say, and, and we don’t a address. So many of those aspects, the thing that kept coming to me as you were sharing then is allostatic load, which is the, the collective dress load on, onto our nervous system at the end of the day. But we don’t, there are so many factors now in the modern day society that, uh, I guess put in, um, if we don’t, if we don’t meet it with resilience and an emotional resilience, we will get kicked and pushed around very easily in society now and by people and by things, cuz we are all running from these more stress responses, you know, and

Guy (09:06):
If we don’t start to actually have a practice and take command and become aware of and delve into this work, passionately, you know, um, the, it, it continues to perpetuate and show up in other areas in our lives constantly. That’s what it did for me until I was like, you know what, I’m actually gonna do this. I’m a hundred percent in, I’ve had enough of this. I’ve had enough pain for this. I’m tired of playing the victim role. I’m actually gonna move past that. And, and as I start to step into that and start to become open, like even when we talk about the heart Ackerman with the hate for humility and start coming from that place, thinking, I don’t know it all, actually I know nothing. Then, then, uh, I’m able to start to see something from a different perspective and actually become a aware of the very patterns and behaviors and the things that I’ve, I’ve been perpetuating my entire life. I just wasn’t willing to, or didn’t even have to know about how to actually become fully conscious and aware of many of those aspects of myself moving forward. Yeah.

Matt (10:12):
And I think that’s an important thing. You, there’s a couple things that you alluded to. One was um, uh, oh, it’s just slipped my mind. Uh, what did you say? You said, um, uh, crap, where’d it go? Uh, there’s the aesthetic load? The, oh, said it twice. And I was like, mate, that’s good. We gotta talk to that because it just, um, glosses over. Um, Wow, totally lost it. My

Guy (10:45):
You’re on the fire of this podcast. You’re not only pinging The brain’s lost it.

Matt (10:51):
Right. I dunno. It’s totally,

Guy (10:53):
It’ll come back in about 35 minutes right. At the end when we’ve covered everything thing anyway.

Matt (10:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Guy (11:00):
Yeah. But should we go into the nine ways to start dealing with the triggers and that might, um, that might ping you back online at some

Matt (11:09):
Yeah. Yeah. Bring me back online. I’ve just lost a plot. My, so you’re gonna have to drive this one.

Guy (11:15):
So, so number one, let’s go into the managing the situations that come up and that is identified that you are triggered.

Matt (11:25):
Yes. Now I’ve got it. I’ve come back online. I must have had like a, a spiritual disconnect. The wifi had to change satellites there. Um, so there was this, um, victim victim was the word that spiked when you said that. And it, and I wanted to bring people’s attention to that because I think we can go gloss over this because our egos are often engaged and we say, I’m not a, I’m not a victim. We are about mate. Like I’m, I’m in control here. And this person did something to me or this event is what’s causing this trigger in me. But the idea is not that you are helpless. And, um, weak let’s say is that being in the role of the victim comes from putting our power on things outside of ourselves. I think that’s as simply,

Guy (12:12):
that’s much way of putting it.

Matt (12:13):
So, so that, that’s why I wanted to bring that up, cuz it’s like, as soon as I heard victim, I thought people’s backs could get up. Um, and it’s like, where are you putting your attention? And it, it, and we have no control ultimately over the world, outside of ourselves, we have the most control and command over what’s going on in our perception of the world, outside of ourselves. And this is where the work thing comes in and starting to own that. And as we peel back that and bring it back to ourselves, then we’re on the journey and then it’s important to have the practice. And that’s when we start to gain traction because empowerment comes from knowing yourself. And so turning those mirrors of projections or triggers back upon ourselves gives us that opportunity to look into places that we may not be aware of.

Guy (13:04):
Perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt (13:05):
That’s what I wanted to say. Yeah.

Matt (13:08):
I knew there was something. And so that, and then it also feeds into the first one you said, identify what your, what triggered you. And so on the surface, obviously this person experiences a thing outside of ourselves. That’s triggered of us. Right? And it’s good to identify that because ultimately the trigger causes an emotion and then we get lost in the emotion. If the emotion is heightened, then the logic and the awareness drops. And so we really don’t have the capacity to start to unpack this or, or it, if we’re in an emotional reaction because that’s at the forefront and then that becomes the reality. And that becomes the loudest thing. Speaking to us, the anger, the hurt, the pain, whatever. And then we start to make choices and take actions upon the anger, the hurt, the pain, the fear, whatever. And those are very disempowered emotions and stances to take in our lives. And ultimately from those choices and actions that we take from that stance, we create a very, uh, volatile experience of what life becomes.

Guy (14:08):
Right. And one thing that I find fascinating, especially when you think about the power of intention or unconscious in intention behind our actions that we do and our thoughts and how that mirrors back in our life. Quite often, once we’ve identified a trigger quite often, it’s people, and this was happening in me in a previous, uh, business partnership. I mean, I’ve been in many businesses over the years and there was a particular scenario where I was continually it and triggered from someone else. But being in a victim role, even though I’m, it’s not a victim that I’m giving my power outside of myself than not owning myself, what was happening was then I was actually expecting to have the same scenario every time I turned up into these situations. So, so intentionally I’m actually setting an intention of rinse and repeat.

Matt (15:06):
Yeah, yeah. Perpetuating it,

Guy (15:07):
Perpetuating the issue. So until I fully started to identify the fact that I was being triggered, but then, then having to break that pattern as opposed to just expect it to happen every time I show or that person always behaves that way, they never change. That’s always gonna be like that. And then, you know, and all of a sudden I’m putting something beyond myself and through that intention and expectation nine times outta 10, the patterns kept reoccurring because I was bound by it as well. Not only emotionally, physically, but intentionally energetically as well, which is, uh, which I find fascinating. So it’s really important to start to become very aware of that. So we, we are not then perpetuate in, was triggers. That’s what I wanted to say on that ex

Matt (15:55):
Exactly. A hundred percent.

Guy (15:58):
So I think that will lead into number two, unless you

Matt (16:04):
No, no, I’m just, I’m just taking this in this. This is a, I had a little introspective moment there on a live podcast.

Guy (16:13):
Many already. Where’s my, where’s my bring your,

Matt (16:19):
Okay. Yeah. So yeah. Identify what trigger. Um, well first you gotta identify your triggered, I guess was the first one. Then it’s then number two is then why did they trigger you? And these are all steps to decompress. The reactiveness that you’re you’re holding, right? So it’s like, how can we pull it apart and come back and start to gain that large, a vantage point. So first you gotta be aware that you are in it in a triggered state. Second, you’ve gotta then identify what it is. So if you, if you start to see, well, what is it in that person or that experience that’s causing the trigger, then you, you pull yourself out of it. You’re not so enmeshed in it. And I think that’s where, where number two and, and the number three obviously says that pause and then remove yourself from the situation.

Matt (17:02):
So on a physical level, you can actually take yourself away. I think this is an important thing, cuz a lot of times we talk to this kind of, you know, somebody’s triggering you. An experience is a, is a thing, bringing this emotional upheaval and it’s something inside of ourselves that we need to deal with. And we still stand in the line of fire while we’re dealing with it. And like, that’s not what we’re talking about. It’s like nobody needs to be in an abusive or um, confronting situation over and over and over again. If, if somebody is causing pain or bringing trauma or upset into your life, a very good strategy is to have solid boundaries and to remove yourself from that situation, whether temporarily or permanently, if you need to. Yeah. But within that, you can then process the internal experience of what that was illuminating for you without having to have, you know, shots fired over your

Guy (18:01):
Head. Totally. And I, and I, and one of the, the best things that, that pauser remove yourself from the situation scenario and, and identify why someone trick gives you go hand in hand for me, cuz sometimes I’ll have an email or something that really triggers me or like, what the? How can you say that? Or do that? Yeah. Like don’t you don’t you see what I’m trying to do? You don’t you see my perspective here? Like, and then all of a sudden I can feel my blood Bo like instantly and it’s like, whoa, Jesus Christ guy breathe, navigates tho slow down. And or if I, I, I can feel tension within, um, a person or a conversation. It’s like, you know what? Let’s pick this up in 10 minutes, I’m gonna walk, walk, breathe, or whatever it might be or say let’s address this tomorrow when we’ve got time to decompress and reflect, cuz what, when we start to become triggered and motions heightened and we go into like this predatory defensive state, we never actually end up really getting to the truth of things. It becomes a very reaction response. And quite often we look back upon it, go. I wish I hadn’t said that or did this. And hence why starting to become more aware of our emotions and to navigate system in the moment to moment basis helps. But I always find just going, you know what, I’m just gonna go and walk in nature for 10 minutes or I’m just gonna leave that for 24 hours and come back tomorrow and then I’m sure I’ll, I’ll have love in my heart, you know?

Matt (19:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that’s the, um, like we say with the mind when, when our own inter internal dialogue is triggering us and in the processes, when we’re trying to meditate and create a stillness of the mind and it starts to chatter, chatter, chatter, and then that, that mantra that I always suggests for people is that I hear you. I love you. That’s talk later. And that always quiets down that mind and it, and just what you’re talking to you as well, you know, you acknowledge the person. I hear you. I do love you. And, and let’s talk about this later and you know, then going down the NBC road route it’s, um, nonviolent communication it’s then at a time, you know, when, when is that that we’re gonna come back let’s, let’s take it a break and we’ll be back in an hour and talk about it.

Matt (20:11):
So then we’re not left. Um, so yeah, that’s, that’s an incredible tool. And um, yeah, so we’ve got the top three, right? So we’ve got first knowing that you’re triggered, then why starting to explore, why creates a bit of distance from your emotional reaction imposed upon that person in the situation. And then Paul give yourself space from the situation. And then the fourth one is feel the emotion, see we’re in a society that’s emotionally challenged, right? And that we don’t, we just don’t address it. And, and they’re suppressed. They’re um, judged for whatever we’re feeling. We’re judged we’re we suppress our emotions. We run from our emotions. We,

Guy (21:03):
Why, why do you think? And, and speaking of men and women, but I, I know men are fantastic at this. Like, but you know, so are women, but like why is it? We fear our emotions so much to, to truly feel what it is we need to feel to allow that energy, to move, to allow that charge, move through the body and allow itself to, to not be held. You know, I always keep thinking about energy can either be no created nor destroyed. It just moves from one form or the other. So that’s how I kind of look at emotions is allowing that energy to move through the body freely, to express itself, to come out and it’s done with, but we don’t allow that to happen very rarely, but we fear it so much.

Matt (21:59):
Absolutely. Because of, yeah, we, we do fear don’t we, well, think there’s, if you look in, you can go from both men and women, there’s different stories that are enmeshed into what’s okay to feel, and what’s not okay to feel and why. And they, they are different, different stories, but they take you to the same result of that. It’s not okay to allow your full range of emotions. Um, you know, men are supposed to be tough and they’re supposed to, you know, you know, pull your boots up and, and deal with it like, oh, it’s just a little, little, little cut. Don’t worry. Move on. Um, you know, your legs only hanging off by one thread. Don’t just put it back together, move on. Uh, women are like, you, you, you you’re too emotional. You’re too. There’s too much like pulled in, you know, um, or many, many, many stories and versions of that I think are imposed upon us from what we are conditioned into to believe.

Matt (22:55):
And so it’s not okay from a logical standpoint that from an emotional standpoint, I think it’s a vulnerable place. You start to open into that. Well, of, um, our authentic self, our real self. And we’re so practiced that we’re masks and hiding and playing roles on who we need to be. And then I think the final component that I tend to witness and, and observe in myself is that it’s just too big. There’s too much. I don’t know where to put it. And if I let this go, I’m just gonna fall apart and I’m not gonna be able to manage and I’ve gotta manage my life. It’s a survival mechanism. Right’s big one. And I think, and I think that for, for, for, um, what I witness a lot in the work, um, I mean, for me, my journey was I really didn’t start to, I, I guess it was a very sensitive child and really allowed.

Matt (23:47):
It was like, I wore my heart on my sleeve a lot, but trying to be a man, um, suppress that. And then I didn’t really re-identify with that until after my mom died. And then I was lucky enough to be thrown into the, um, the, the pool of, of Los Angeles and all the weirdness and, and different opportunities that were there. And I, I was in an acting class where we actually started to learn how to express our emotions. And my acting class was two things I learned in that one was, it was a catharsis for me to let go of the grief that I was feeling for the loss of my mom and, and two, it was in the, my training grounds for learning how to work with energy and that the emotional free flow of energy and creativity that wanted to move through me as I let that move.

Matt (24:37):
I gained access to a greater inspiration, the greater potential of information that not only fueled the scenes that I was working on or the role that I plane, but also in my life, I started to live from that state and that the emotions would free things up to open my eyes to greater possibilities. And so in that journey of five, 10 years in that space and that training, it was, uh, and unfolding in a reconnection to the importance of my emotions and letting them move and how it freed me up in my life. And so in that I also then witnessed and what I see in the work now of people coming in and having that really tight contraction on whatever it is that they’re holding in themselves, the emotions that they’re afraid to feel, the, the events that they’re afraid it to process the trauma, that, and the drama that they’ve, um, just put under the rug and, and not wanting to confront is that it’s so big.

Matt (25:35):
It’s so massive. And I always use the analogy of that. Like it’s a balloon full of air. And if you take that, that neck of that balloon and you pull it tar, it’s just gonna squeak out and go, eh, right. And this gonna take ages for all that air to come out. But if you completely just let it go, go around the room and then it’s released. And so it may appear big because the opening that we are compressed upon and allowing through is so small. But if we allow it to completely open, completely let go and surrender, it can happen in the heartbeat. And we release that. And when we get to the other side of that, we feel how freeing that is to allow the emotion and that we then have access to a greater part of ourselves, because all that stuff is compressed down upon our true essence and the life that’s wanting to move through us. So that was a long winter

Guy (26:29):
Answer. Say, I knew I should have asked you that question bloody El, no, be spot on. And, um, you, once you, like, you gotta really feel it to heal it. You know, we say not the retreat what’s coming is going. So there’s this immense contraction. It’s this holding on the body beyond the mind is like no freaking way. And then when you finally feel safe enough to just let go, then you say, that’s like letting go of the neck of the balloon. And, and it’s like, you know, it, it become that energy is moved. It’s transformed and it’s free. But what, what I find blows me away and what’s happened many times in my life is that it shifts your paradigm and it shifts your lens. And you are, you are, you are seeing every single situation, a moment then through a different embodied person.

Guy (27:17):
So you’re not recreating those emotions that were keeping you trapped. Cuz I think locked emotion or not being able to talk is we, we can become prisoners of our ownselves. And, and we don’t allow ourselves to, to, to lean into more joy or love and peace cuz we are just not familiar with those states and they can actually feel more uncomfortable than the very emotions that we wanna move through. But that’s the familiar self. And we, we tend to then just hold onto that because that gives you a sense of safety. So then we work into the construct of the mind and the ego as well and the protective self that’s identifying itself with that. And that’s why you always hear like a breaking down of the ego. Getting beyond that into, as Ian Kareem said, your roommate that’s ever present being, sitting quietly, waiting for you to have a conversation with him that we, we don’t address to, but it’s, it’s powerful. And if we start to allow ourselves to not fight the emotion, there are so many distractions in life now that we do not have to feel that emotion I can, you can put on a TV show, you can eat extra chocolate or have some ice cream or have some wine or you can phone your friends. You, you know, which are all,

Guy (28:29):
Obviously there’s moments for these, these things to occur. But if you’re using it to constantly suppress an emotion, it’s gonna show up in your body some way at some stage. And there’s gonna be a point where you’re gonna have to walk through that. I, I think I feel

Matt (28:48):
Absolutely. Yeah. And the, the amount of energy that it takes to hold those emotions back is, is debilitating. And, and it’s like, and, and, and, you know, if you, if we think, I mean always lean into the, the concept of life or consciousness is, is, is all vibration and it is, and to be a vibration, it needs to move right? And that when we collapse down on an emotion or an identity or role or whatever it is, and we hold that down, we’re holding back the flow of life, the vibration of life that wants to move through us. And we are like, why, why can’t I embrace the fullness and the totality of, of my dreams and my hopes and my desires. And it’s all, cuz we’ve got our hands full of the holding back of that. We got the breaks on and, and that takes a tremendous amount of energy.

Matt (29:44):
I mean the essence of life itself to hold that back is, is go exhausting. And, and so it’s like, and then, you know, we talk about how our nervous system does this as well on a physical level of when there’s certain things that we’re holding in the body and perpetuating in the body, like you say, we’re, we’re creating that, that pattern, that way of being. And then we take the energy away from the processes that create balance and harmony and joy and peace and love because, and so all of our energy, all of our resources then go to holding a contraction, a resistance, and that becomes the conditioned way of being. So we don’t have then the capacity to actually nurture a love, a happiness of joy within ourselves. So then that all stems from holding back our emotion, not feeling what’s there.

Guy (30:40):
It’s crazy.

Matt (30:41):
It’s um, it’s insane. But um, yeah, we could talk about that for days. That was only four and we come down into, um, you know, more techniques than to feel that emotion and to become present with, um, would be breath. Work is, is what we put as an actual, um, one of the, one of the nine is, um, I think it’s breathing just, it doesn’t have to be breath work. I mean, when I think of breath work, I think of an active process to help release emotion, to help release resistance, to open myself up, but breathing in itself, um, changes the nervous system gains access to the heart gains access to, um, you know, all the systems in the body it’s at the basis of everything. And then if we are mindful of how our breath is moving, it gives us that potential then to navigate through challenges and to nurture in more balance. Yeah.

Guy (31:43):
Simply slowing the breath down. Uh, you can do a box breath. Like if I’m thinking that, you know, I’m putting myself in a situation where I’m triggered, triggered, or I’m feeling anxious. My, my, um, my emotions are heightened in that moment and it’s like, okay, I wanna work with this, not fight it. Right. And it’s, that’s when normally we will go to the, um, you know, the crutches that we can lean upon to just cut that emotion off, cut that feeling off. But like you say, you can use the breath to work with it. And, and just simply by breathing equally, it could be a four, a four in four, uh, four in four hole, four, a four hold that’s a box breath, you know, very simple or, or exhale long, longer than the inhale. What I always do now. Like I’ve always, um, is imagine I’m doing that breath, but with my awareness in my heart, because not only the breath regulates the autonomic nervous system, so does the heart, and then you can bring combined together and then you can actually just start to feel. And then I notice where I’ve got tension, start letting go. And I anchor my awareness to the breath, which allows me to still the mind as opposed to running off in the monkey thoughts. So that wants to fight in that moment. And they’re very important, um, aspect and they’re very powerful. Listen was simple. We just go, yeah, yeah, whatever, you know, I’m just gonna hyperventilate and scream.

Matt (33:06):
And so as you’re talking, it reminds me of the, the process that we always bring in into the work is the, the left hand on the heart and the right hand on the belly. And that even that is a simple posture to hold that doesn’t look too weird. You could do that in, in the middle of, uh, the shop somewhere, right. Or anywhere. It doesn’t matter. Nobody would like clock it that you’re doing something weird. You’re just holding this. But in that response, you’re coming back to your body, your heart’s under the left hand, the breath is under the right hand and you can drop in and it also then sends a signal subconsciously to yourself that you’re held that, that you’re safe. And it’s like, why don’t we do that? It’s so busy going, you, you, you, you, you just stop pointing and bring the hand back to yourself and just me, what’s going on.

Guy (33:56):
It’s funny what

Matt (33:58):
God, if we could all just stay in our

Guy (33:59):
Mind, it’s funny. We gotta be right all the time, as well as humans. Mm. I do find that. Interesting.

Matt (34:07):
Yeah. And a, and a difference of opinion. Why does a difference of opinion have to make somebody wrong? Mm. You know, it’s like, we, we can, I think a lot of times the triggering comes into be, could somebody see something differently or, or perceive something in a completely contradictory way that you do? And it’s like, well, no, you’re, you’re imposing on my reality and is, is not allowed. And it’s like, well, in essence, we have as many different realities on the planet as we do beans on the planet. And that everyone’s perception of it is, is a different world. And so how I always, I think, especially today, as we’re looking in a polarized world and it’s becoming more and more device, you know, just it’s separate, it’s

Guy (34:57):
Nuts. And, and I think about this from a, um, I guess an E spiritual perspective as well. Like if you got source consciousness that that is absolute truth, then you got us. Yeah. Having a slither of that and our perception of a slither of truth. We don’t know absolute truths. We’ve just got, and then we’ve got the mind interpreter, and then you got 8 billion people on the planet, all having their own slide of the absolute truths. And then it’s only if you take the 8 billion collectively and took all that data, would you then probably get a closer perception of absolute truths

Matt (35:34):
Truth? Yeah.

Guy (35:37):
Like it’s nuts,

Matt (35:38):
That’s it? It is. And then we sit in that little sliver of, of truth. And then we say, this is reality. This is the only thing that is. And if you’re against it, you’re wrong. If you’re for it, you’re right. It’s like, well, no, why we can all be ultimately right. The, the duality that we adhere to is just

Guy (36:00):
Well this is the other thing, cuz we can only like I build my, I guess framework of reality from my experiences in life. Right. And as I, as I slowly get older and wise, well wise is debatable. But as I

Matt (36:16):
Very debatable

Guy (36:17):
My perception of reality and truth continues to shift, but I continue to lay in, lean in. And that’s why humility is so important to, to then bring back into this in the first place. And that I’m actually not staying in my little lation bubble of going nowhere because we tend to fall into the same habits, the same patterns, the same life we, you know, and all of a sudden our truth becomes perpetuated from the information we receive through noise and

Guy (36:54):
We end up living. Um, I think, I think it’s like from the age of 35, pretty much most of your learning is, is done. We settle for the same job. We settle for the, and you know, we don’t have that exploration of life anymore. That’s challenging our perception of reality, which I find fascinating as well. So if we don’t have that curiosity and exploration and begin as mind coming into everything, how are we supposed to then expand our Truth?

Matt (37:26):
Yep. It becomes stagnant, doesn’t it? And then, then it ultimately isn’t truth anymore,

Guy (37:32):
But it’s true to us because that’s all we know

Matt (37:36):
Exactly.

Guy (37:37):
And they realize the problem. Exactly. So it’s like somebody can easily put down the, we do because they’re on the outside looking have no idea, no concept never listen to a podcast. Nothing. They will look at that hippy dippy where you, I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, come and hang out with us for a week. Well, let’s see, let’s see what your perception of reality’s gonna be then, you know, but, but if, if they’re not willing to step in and be open and look into that, then, then the, the issues will continue to get perpetuated because they’re not willing to look outside of themselves in those moments, which can be challenging. Yeah,

Matt (38:14):
Absolutely amazing. So that, that leaned into number seven. Didn’t it allow yourself. Oh, now six. So remind yourself of the truth. Yeah. So getting off your pedestal, getting off your idea of what is true and, and opening to more.

Guy (38:32):
Yeah. One thing for me for that, just to add on that, I know we’ve been, um, God, I can’t believe it’s taking this this long to get to six, but the, um,

Guy (38:42):
But you know, I always, I always go back to the quote, the mind things, but the heart knows. And if you’re willing to develop a relationship with your own heart, which they say the long, you know, the longer, the shortest journey is the toughest one going from the head and moving into the heart. If you, if you start to come back to that place and reconnect to that, then you’re able to see past the, the noise and the clutter and the triggers and everything, and get back to the essence of truth really. But we just don’t allow ourselves to really feel into that aspect, you know, and, and I’ve just know from my own life that the more aligned to my truth, I become the simpler my life is. And the more it flows, period.

Matt (39:36):
Yeah, absolutely.

Guy (39:39):
Yeah. You wanna add anything to that?

Matt (39:44):
No, man. I think we’ve, we’ve beat the horse, uh, seven then comes into, allow yourself to receive love and um, you, you you’re phrases let it in, isn’t it? Yeah. Yeah. And I, I think that’s, um, an important component just, just to allow the love in like, let, let yourself off the hook. Basically. I think even, even if we do dive down the whole of taking responsibility for way that we’re perceiving the event or the person that is triggering us and then owning our, um, projection of our perception on them, we can still beat ourselves up and be hard on ourselves.

Guy (40:33):
Keep getting reacted to that situation. Cause we haven’t dealt with the root cause. Right,

Matt (40:38):
Exactly. So it’s like just this, let yourself off the hook doing the best that you can find some compassion, some kindness, some love for yourself, then you won’t be so triggered because you’re building that, that space on your

Guy (40:50):
Train. Yeah. You said it right there, mate. And it’s the, the do, just do your best because it’s, I think all this work there’s never perfection is only progress. And, and we, we, we get caught up and seduced by the goals and having to get to this point to achieve this. And, and then, you know, I can, I’m gonna be much happier when I get over there and, and, and it’s all about the journey and it’s so cliche and just having progress. And for me about it, doesn’t matter what your ability is like. And we always say this at the retreats, right? It’s about the intent that you bring behind it is, is, Is the glue that’s, that’s what really starts to pull things together and, and, and make things shift. So if, even if you suck at all this, but you’ve gotta, you’re intentionally try. You’re intentionally trying to, you know, coming from the right place, things will move. And that’s when it comes back to, like you say, allow yourself to receive love and be kind to yourself if you

Matt (41:54):
Well. Yeah. And you, you, you speak to the retreats as well. I think that’s what we, what we offer ultimately is that, you know, we, we, we tend to create an environment in a, in a, a life around ourselves that ultimately isn’t so loving or kind, and that when we bring people to the retreats and they take that leap, they, they step into a big environment of love and, and compasssion and kindness. And, uh, just being there, you, but once you just lets it in,

Guy (42:28):
But it comes from strength. And I think that’s a perception that gets otherwise, you can go down the perception of, well, they just go around hugging each other, wearing roses and you know, do you know, that’s the thing, but it’s like, when you

Matt (42:41):
That’s you, I, I, I keep it GRA, right.

Guy (42:46):
But, but when you totally are 100% in your body, you you’re owning yourself. You you’re, it’s like the leaky bucket. All the holes have been fixed where you’re given your any your way. And you can own that strength. Then the greatest power starts to show up in becoming vulnerable, becoming compassionate, caring, and coming from love. You know, it’s, it’s, it’s massive. Massive. I was gonna say one more thing, but I can.

Matt (43:11):
Absolutely. So

Guy (43:12):
We’re going,

Matt (43:13):
Oh, good. Caught my disconnect. Right? Moving down into eight, Give its we wrote down, give or give gratitude

Guy (43:25):
Is ever same. Be thankful for the trigger. Yeah.

Matt (43:31):
Be thankful for the trigger. Be thankful for the awareness. Be thankful for of the opportunity.

Guy (43:37):
Why should we be thankful for the trigger when your blood’s boiling, you’re angry. You’ve just honked the horn the third time at the car driver that cut you up.

Matt (43:48):
Because if anybody that’s actually got to the other side of a trigger, it’s an opportunity to gain a deeper awareness of our and gain more empowerment within our lives in a greater capacity to live more fully. So to me, it’s an opportunity. It’s uh, I, I think Wayne Dyer always talked about that, that you, your, your soulmate is ultimately the guy in front of you that cuts you off because they’re teaching you something there’s. So there’s some growth that can be found in the discomfort that is emerging In the relationship. So, you know your soul, mate’s not somebody that’s gonna make it all warm, fuzzy and happy, happy days. Your, your true soulmate is somebody that’s going to trigger the outta you and help help you find a true self.

Guy (44:37):
Yeah, no. Can you say that last bit? Cause whatever sits on the other side of that trigger is wisdom basically. And, and if you don’t have the trigger, you’re not gonna become aware of it, giving you the opportunity to that’s where I need to start exploring.

Matt (44:55):
Mm yeah. It’s a window in, yeah.

Guy (44:58):
Number nine.

Matt (45:03):
I think we covered number nine boundaries kind of create boundaries. So walking away, um, being kind. Yeah.

Guy (45:11):
And I think you buy boundaries, get the more you lean into this work. I, I, I, I found in my own life anyway, my boundaries became stronger. So the more, the more I became, yeah. The more I got to know myself, the more empowered I became and the more I could then hold space for myself and stay in my truth, stay for me more. And then that’s where more boundaries would come from. So then I’m not doing things because there’s a part of me that’s feeling, um, I don’t know, I guess, coming from a place of feeling empty or feeling lonely or feeling this, so whatever that emotion is, we tend to fill that as opposed to having the boundaries around us and then coming from that place of empowerment At the end of the day.

Matt (46:06):
Yeah. Well, if you don’t know yourself, how are you gonna create boundaries? It’s like, you know, what do you put a boundary around? I don’t know.

Guy (46:14):
Yeah.

Matt (46:15):
I identify the wholeness of yourself and what is right for you and authentic. And then that authenticity will start to then feel the invasion of inauthenticity and in position that is not aligned with that

Guy (46:27):
Truth. May when you say you come up with some really great parallels today that No, that’s perfect. Like when you, when you are coming from a place, so if your boundary is authentic and if you are living from authenticity, when inauthenticity penetrates that boundary, you will feel it and notice it that,

Matt (46:50):
Oh yeah,

Matt (46:51):
Right

Guy (46:51):
There, hundred that’s bit. That’s going on social media. We’re passing that everywhere. I think that’s huge.

Matt (46:59):
It is. Well, that’s, that’s been my journey. I think cuz you know, I started way back when doing massage work and it, and it, a lot of times people’s emotions. Like I would empathetically pick up their emotions and, and take on their. And, and we, we all do this. This is thing we all do this, but um, we don’t identify it. And it wasn’t until I started to realize what was mine that I could then differentiate with when I was taking on theirs, otherwise it’s just stuff. And so I really had to get to understand my state and my emotions and my inner landscape to then be able to untangle what I am meshing into when I work with somebody so closely and that, that rippled into my life, you know, and it’s an ongoing process, where do I start? And they begin, where do they end? And I begin, you know, and if we don’t know that, then we’re lost.

Guy (48:00):
Wow. So there’s, there’s, there’s, there’s, there’s nine great points for triggers, you know? And uh, we did mention about going deeper again, get into the root of the triggers as well. But obviously that is a process and that’s what we teach at the end of the day. Right? It’s it’s, it’s, it’s how to, it’s the tools and how to navigate this, this, what can feel like this outta control to, uh, terrain and start to work with that and come back so we can start to connect to that authentic self and have the

Matt (48:39):
Yeah. Well it’s the healing of the wound, isn’t it? So the, I think we, we talked to how to deal with the, the cat hair, the feather that’s touching the wound. All right. And the deeper component is then just to, out to heal the wound and looking at the cause of that wound.

Matt (48:56):
And that’s where you get to the root. There’s a reason why there’s a wound there. And that comes through a practice of showing up for yourself, of being present with your emotions, all the stuff that we talk about here, RINs and repeat rinse and Pete and being in that space where the layers of the onions start to fall away and we can get to that core and say, oh yeah, I get it. Now this was something that I’ve pushed so far down behind. So many layers and identities of who I am and roles that I need to play and busyness that I need to uphold in my life to distract myself from actually a getting to that route. Then when I let that go, then the wound heals, then the triggers are gone and not gone completely. But that per that, that trigger that one, that, that first guy that cut you off, but then the guy that sideswipes you, that’s another story or that runs up three of you, like. But

Guy (49:55):
I, I can’t tell you how many people we’ve heard over time that have been working with us or, you know, doing the work themselves that have come to the point where they’ve noticed where they go. Oh wow. I, I didn’t even notice that that person doesn’t even trigger me. I didn’t, I didn’t even, I wasn’t even phased by it. Like the, like their, their whole perception is shifted and shifting that what we were imposing upon are in the first place becomes a very different reality.

Matt (50:28):
Yeah. Cause you’ve ultimately changed yourself. And in the changes of yourself, the world around you changes. Right. The old exactly cliche.

Guy (50:35):
Amazing. Have we got anything to, do you wanna add anything to, before we wrap this, uh, podcast up?

Matt (50:45):
I, I think to, to squeeze that day before I’m heading on the road to get the wooing going and Canberra and do two events in a row, like you’re done, I’m done checking out, checking out, hanging up my time card. The time people listen to

Guy (50:56):
This, uh Camerara and Wollongong would’ve passed. So if you’re hearing this and you wanted to come true, don’t worry about it. Um, we’ll be back.

Guy (51:06):
But, uh, what, what other workshops do we have coming up? We got, we are gonna be back in Newcastle, but it looks in April with a living flow. So we’ll be

Matt (51:15):
Well before that we got tweet heads Harbor, Just come over the border for all your gold coast people, um, Harbor.

Guy (51:24):
Yeah. Then we are gonna be in Newcastle in April and we’ll look looking at orange and Sydney in may. And we have the retreats three night at the end of July, July five night in August, and we’ll be releasing them soon. They’ll sell out pretty quickly as well. So, um, if you are hearing this and you’re curious about coming, just drop us an email or sign up to our newsletter will be, which is living flow.co

Matt (51:52):
Don’t forget our inner self mastery course that’s

Guy (51:55):
It is my God. Yes. We’re busy people. So that’s working with us at a deeper level, over a period of, uh, few months, uh, which will be that’ll

Guy (52:05):
Be kicking off. Uh mid-March but I think by the time you hear this podcast, if that, if you’re keen to jump on that and have guidance from myself, Matt and Petra over a few months, uh, weekly, uh, that will be yeah. Act on that quickly Basically, Uh, that’s application only. So you can book a phone call, just drop us an email again, through the website, live flow.com. Amazing. Thank you so much, sir. I will, uh, I will see you in, uh, let’s see you tonight on the call. Remember?

Matt (52:39):
Yep.

Guy (52:40):
Thanks legend.

Matt (52:43):
Okay. Thanks mate.